What this Mzungo learned-Part 2

This week I have had a couple of conversations that really struck a chord with me. I figured that today would be a good day to share with you my thoughts on MY FAITH. As a disclaimer these are my thoughts and not the thoughts necessarily of my family, place of work or worship.
The question of how I would live my life if I truly believed what I say I do has haunted me for about a year now. I hate the fact that most of my life has been spend living more like a Pharisee and less like a disciple. I hate that I relay constantly on my own might and use God as a last means to fix my mistakes.
The first conversation I had been with my daughter who asked me if we were “Strict Christians” (her friend’s words). This statement is so North American. In Africa you are either saved or not. There are no wishy washy lukewarm Christian attitudes. My answer to Reagan was that I think that you either truly love Jesus or you don’t. I really want my kids to grow up not be rule follower but lovers of God. This is where we in my opinion as followers have put ourselves in a box. We get so caught up with following our Christian rules and trying our hardest to live the Christian dream that we forget about God. If I really believed that I am saved by God’s grace and not my own deeds, I wouldn’t care about following the rules. I would live my life with genuine gratitude to my Savoir. If I understood even a portion of the concept of the Grace of God I think that Love would come must easier. I say this because I know I lack love, which makes me judgemental and uncompassionate to others. I find it very easy to attack those who do not think or act as I do. But I sure do my best to defend my behaviour when someone (usually my husband) confronts me about it. I do not think I am alone in this. We as church goers put on our nice clothes and fake smiles and go into church pretending that everything is rosy. When was the last time I said that things SUCKED when asked by a Christian friend how I am? Do we tell other believers that our marriages are in trouble, our kids are struggling with addictions, or that we are in financial ruins? NO we don’t, because that would fall outside our perfect box. It might make others feel uncomfortable and they may even judge us. Now maybe this is my perception, and people are a lot more loving than I think. I hope this is the case. I want others to see Jesus in me not a Pharisee. I do not want to be a hypocrite. This leads into my second conversation.
Today was my dad’s birthday and we had some family over. The conversation turned to the fact that some of my family feels that Christians are hypocrites. The church is full of people who are judgemental, and think they are better than everyone else. Now I am not going to dispute that maybe their experience in a church body or with believers has obviously caused them to feel this way. What gets my goat is that they put the faults of imperfect men on a perfect God. Just because a believer treated you badly or acted in a way that was not God glorifying, does that mean that there is something wrong with God? No, but we blame him. I have seen so many people lose faith because they were feeling wronged by someone else. I wonder if this is has to do with that perfect box. We live our lives like everyone else, trying to build the perfect family, make the most money, and have the best job. We don’t live like God is the most important thing to us. We want God and..... And if we don’t get God and the perfect marriage, God and the nicest house we feel ripped off of the dream. We again don’t get Grace!! This is how I live. Doing my own thing, living my own life, and when it suits me I ask God for help, then blame him when things don’t go as I asked. Is this living like I believe I say I do?
In Africa people didn’t put on perfect clothes and perfect smiles, and walk into perfect churches. They go as they are. Sinners, people needing God. They prayed like I have never seen prayer before; literally hours of praying for the sick, the government, and the unsaved and on and on. They would not hesitate to get up in front of the church and ask for prayer for a hardship in their life. And I would venture to say that a majority of people would not be judgemental of that person, because in Africa everyone has hardships. Maybe that’s our problem; we never have to really rely on God. We seldom, if ever experience true hardships that require faith to get through.
So I guess my conclusion is that I want to live my life so that it is evident that God is more important than anything else. To open my life so that people see that I am not perfect and only saved by grace. To live a life in genuine gratitude and in love with Jesus. To love as Jesus loved, without judgement. How would you live if you truly believed what you say you do?